Dear Kim,
We'd like to congratulate you on your nomination as the new dictator of North Korea! It has been reported that you will be the successor to your father Kim Jong Il. You have some very small shoes to fill, both figuratively and literally and we'd like to offer some friendly advice prior to your new regime.
First, don't poke the fucking bear. By "poke" we mean taunt, provoke or awaken and by "bear" we mean the United States. The best analogy of North Korean/US war would be Stephen Hawking with a rock picking a fight with Shaq before the knee problems armed with a maple bat. According to http://Globalfirepower.com your military ranks #20 in the world. But before you puff out your chest and start thinking you're bad-ass keep in mind that Mexico, Iran, Egypt, Taiwan, Pakistan, Indonesia, Italy, South Korea, Turkey, Brazil and India all rank higher. So if Mexico and Indonesia have more firepower you probably shouldn't fuck with the US, Russia, Japan, Germany the UK... you know the big, industrialized, experienced nations with fuck-loads of money, missiles and people that hate you too.
Second, don't dress like a character in a Mike Myers' spoof. Your father has made a mockery of your family and your country by wearing Dr. Evil outfits in public. We suggest you wear a suit with a tie. Something dark blue or gray and simple. Silk is often most comfortable in warm climates like yours.
Third, write an apology to your citizens. You're population is so inbred the average height of a male in North Korea is 5'5". Pictures and videos that come out of your country are so laughable they look fake. You guys are roughly 30-40 years behind in technology, fashion and photography among other things. The reason your country is such a shit-hole is because you've cut yourselves off from the rest of the world. Write your apology to the citizens and tell them you're going to fix your dad's fuck-ups.
Fourth, spend a weekend in Las Vegas. We'll put you up at Caesar's Palace ourselves and make all the necessary arrangements and you can bring four of your closest buddies. We're confident that a weekend in Sin City with some gambling, some partying, some sun and some good women will help ease some of the tension if you know what we mean ; )
Finally, your dad has been a pain in the ass since day one of his regime and we hope you have the balls to turn things around. There's a better way Kim, open your borders, show some compassion and join the rest of the world. If you follow in your dad's shoes your fucked and your people will eventually rise up and kick the shit out of you. Get in front of that revolution and start it yourself.
Most Sincerely,
TheDailyBore Staff
PS - you may want to work on updating your profile picture... this one looks kind of stale considering you're 26 years-old
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